1. God creates man in his own image. Denies that he's only looking for an obedient pet. Claims he has a secret purpose for this creation that only his Son knows.
2. Baron Von Snakestein creates a man out of a monkey's DNA and claims that his product is better than God's. "Modified evolution is superior to intelligent design any day."
3. Ugh Cannibal creates fire because he was tired of having his friends for dinner raw.
4. Dork Metalhead invents the wheel with a pole through it in order to create the first "exotic dance".
5. The first hieroglyphics appear on outhouse walls as a way of meeting hot dates.
6. Christ resurrects from the dead in 33 AD. Critics claim he used high tech smoke and mirrors/heliographs to pull off this magical stunt.
7. Gutenberg invents the printing press because no one wanted to rewrite his epic novel.
8. Edison invents the light blub, the phonograph and the motion picture projector because 19th century life bored him to tears.
9. Jack Kilby invents the computer chip because he kept forgetting  where he put his stuff.
10. Tim Berners-Lee creates the World Wide Web in the 1990s so the internet can be an equal playing field for everybody including retards.

Who Is Tim Berners-Lee?

Who Is Jack Kilby?