The day finally arrived. Newfy Dave dies and goes to Heaven. He is at
the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself. However, the gates are closed, and Newfy Dave approaches the gatekeeper.
St. Peter said, "Well, Dave, it's certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you. I must tell you, though, that the place is filling up fast, and we have been administering an entrance examination for everyone. The Newfy test is short, but you have to pass it before you can get into Heaven."
Dave responds, "It sure is good to be here, St. Peter, sir. But nobody told me about any entrance exam. I sure hope that the test ain't too hard. Life was a big enough test as it was.
St. Peter continued, "Yes, I know, Dave, but the test is only three questions. Each one is harder than the other."
First: What two days of the week begin with the letter T?
Second: How many seconds are there in a year?
Third: What is God's first name?"
Newfy Dave leaves to think the questions over. He returns the next day and sees St. Peter, who waves him up, and says, "Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over, tell me your answers."
Dave replies, "Well, the first one -- which two days in the week begins with the letter "T"? Holy codfish, buy, that one's easy. That would be Today and Tomorrow."
The Saint's eyes opened wide and he exclaimed, "Dave, that is not what I was thinking, but you do have a point, and I guess I did not specify, so I will give you credit for that answer. How about the next one?" asked St. Peter. "How many seconds in a year?
Now that one is harder," replied Dave, but I tunk and tunk about
that, and I guess the only answer can be twelve."
Astounded, St. Peter said, "Twelve? How in Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?"
Dave replied, "I did this on me hands and toes, there's
got to be twelve: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd... "
"Hold it," interrupts St. Peter. "I see where you are going with this, and I see your point. That was not quite what I had in mind....but I will give you credit for that one, too. Let's go on with the third and final
question. Can you tell me God's first name"?
"Sure," Dave replied,"It's Andy."
"What?....And my name is Amos?" exclaimed an exasperated
and frustrated St Peter...."Ok, I can understand how you
came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in the world did you come up with the name Andy as the first name of God?"
"Lard tunderin', that was the easiest one of all," Dave replied. "I learnt it from the song, "ANDY WALKS WITH ME, ANDY TALKS WITH ME, ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN."
Suddenly, the Pearly Gates opened, and a voice rung out. "Come on in, Newfy Dave."