The Top Ten Ways To Annoy People
1. While waiting for a streetcar with a large group of people, stand at the curb and stare in the opposite direction. It'll come just as fast whether you're watching for it or not. 2. Reply to tedious e-mail messages from acquaintances with the word "unsubscribe" in the subject box. 3. While driving on a hot day, roll up the windows and crank up the heat. Then repeatedly announce how "damned freezing it is in here." 4. Travel to Amsterdam and bring home a pound of grass. Not marijuana, but real Dutch turf. Do it just to be able to tell your friends you pulled it off. When flying home from Turkey, tape a pound of breakfast hash to your stomach. 5. Wear a "Guess Who T-shirt" to a "Who concert" and walk around to the concession area telling strangers that you've waited your entire life to see Burton Cummings do the "windmill." 6. Hail a subway car. As you stand on the platform, wait for the rumble of the train to approach and then make a move like you're going to jump. The driver's face is hard to see in that hyperspeed blur, but look closely, the grimace is there. 7. When being introduced to someone, find a way to apply their names to some kind of cliche or slogan. Brook becomes, "If it ain't Brook, don't fix it." Toby naturally begs the questions, "Toby or not Toby?" 8. When returning a Lotto ticket, ask the clerk to scan your ticket. When he or she tells you that you didn't win, say: "Well in that case, I'd like to return it." The clerk says no. You reply. "What do you mean I can't return it?" "It says $5 million right on the ticket" "I spent $2 on this and you're telling me I get nothing...?" "I'm going to take my Loto business elsewhere." 9. Leave union paraphernalia around your non-unionized workplace. Whisper things like "grievance procedures" and "worker rights" within earshot of the shift manager. This kind of pestering is especially effective at Starbucks and Gap franchises. 10. Answer your telephone by saying, "Line three, you're on the air."My own particular favourite is teleporting people into unknown areas.
Posted by qualteam
at 5:43 PM EDT
Updated: Tuesday, 26 August 2003 5:58 PM EDT